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PREGNANT IN LA
March 17, 2012 09:03 -
MY TRIP TO LA
March 17, 2012 07:03 -
THE HENRY SOFA
March 10, 2012 18:03 -
THIS POST SUCKS
January 16, 2012 08:01 -
KNOCKED UP AROUND PALM TREES
October 25, 2011 14:10
Archive for the ‘Body’ Category
MY TRIP TO LA
On March 3rd, the inaugural day of my school’s Spring Break, I took a trip to Los Angeles with my boyfriend. I did not want to go for several reasons and anyone who knows my boyfriend, or me, or has had any contact with us in the last 8 months (especially the inhabitants of [...]
MERRY CHRISTMAS. BOOTCAMP BABY.
My mind is pumping, my breath is pant-y and I’m on the edge of picking a fight with my boyfriend. Yeah, I just took a Barry’s Bootcamp Class. Fuck yeah. I feel like tearing off the head of a tiger and feeding it to my puppy. No, scratch that. I’ll tear off the head of [...]
MAYBE IF I WROTE A FOOD BLOG, YOU’D READ IT.
“Maybe if I wrote about the ‘Top 10 Reasons You Should Get an iPhone’, I’d get more hits on my blog,” I said to my boyfriend tonight. There are times I wonder about this blog: Why the fuck would anyone want to read it? Who cares? It should be more topical. I thought about how [...]
MY BIRTHDAY WISH: SHEET CAKE + T&A
What do you get when you combine 3 sheet cakes with tits and ass? My birthday wish. Okay, you may think this is superficial, and you may be right, but I don’t feel like showing my present naked ass, still affected from my “I-got-a-divorce-so-I-must-eat” phase. I’ve been hitting the gym hard (wish I was hitting [...]
ASS RESOLUTION/ASS REVOLUTION
That may be the stupidest title of any blog post ever written, but it’s a movement (unintended pun) and I’m starting it now. Have no fear this isn’t a scatological entry — this is about my ass, my buttocks, my globes of joy. The buttocks in which I sit upon, on the wood chair in [...]
I’M NOT SURE WHICH SEX BOOK TO READ
Should I HAVE sex every day for one year, or STOP having sex for one year? I’m SO confused! Hephzibah Anderson (remind me not name my daughter that) wrote a book titled “Chastened,” about her year without sex. I could have done that — it’s basically called being single and hard-up. Now, I didn’t read [...]
I’M OVULATING AND OVERHEATING
Did think you’d ever see the above pictures next to each other? Well, that’s how I feel. I’m either going to get pregnant or pass out. It’s 104 degrees in the Valley of Los Angeles and I’m ovulating. I must be hallucinating, but I’ve had thoughts of getting pregnant and bouts of nausea from the [...]
“BABY” IS A DIRTY WORD
I have rewritten this post three times. I’m starting over again. I have this feeling that I have never had before. Maybe it’s boredom, stagnancy in my projects…I don’t know. I’ve had friends, many friends, who have had this feeling and I’ve just nodded and assured, “One day, that will come.” Now, I find this [...]
HOW TO LOVE A MAN
I can’t sleep tonight. It’s 1:51 am and I’m very tired, but wide awake. I’m sitting on my bed; laptop overheating on the sheets in front me. I tried downloading a movie on iTunes, but it took an hour and I don’t care about it anymore. I’m drinking something and thinking. A glass of wine [...]
LET THE BUSH GROW: A CALL TO WOMEN
Just as I was about to shave down there, I stopped and made up a little song called “Let the bush grow.” I sang it loud and proud. I then realized that since I can hear my crazy neighbor screaming at random people, she could probably hear me belting out my new war song, “Let [...]
“I’M SCARED I’LL PEE MYSELF” OR “THINGS I SHOULD NEVER ADMIT”
I will probably regret writing about this issue, but I thought about it twice today. I have a fear of peeing in public. Okay, first question you may have is: “Have you ever peed yourself?” The answer is no I have not, but that doesn’t mean that I won’t. When did this start? It started [...]
WHAT I NEED TO DO BEFORE EUROPE
Besides working out to feel somewhat comfortable in a bikini in Capri (fuck, did I just write that? I’m going to Capri!!!!). I need to get my shit together. Ahhhh I cannot wait to eat my first macaron, pictured above, in Paris. I leave for Europe in 19 days. Oh my lord. There are so many [...]