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PREGNANT IN LA
March 17, 2012 09:03 -
MY TRIP TO LA
March 17, 2012 07:03 -
THE HENRY SOFA
March 10, 2012 18:03 -
THIS POST SUCKS
January 16, 2012 08:01 -
KNOCKED UP AROUND PALM TREES
October 25, 2011 14:10
Archive for the ‘Comedy’ Category
MY BIRTHDAY WISH: SHEET CAKE + T&A
What do you get when you combine 3 sheet cakes with tits and ass? My birthday wish. Okay, you may think this is superficial, and you may be right, but I don’t feel like showing my present naked ass, still affected from my “I-got-a-divorce-so-I-must-eat” phase. I’ve been hitting the gym hard (wish I was hitting [...]
THE WORLD CUP WAS SO STRESSFUL ‘CAUSE I HAD SEX WITH MEN FROM SEVERAL COUNTRIES!!!
I found the world cup so stressful ’cause I had sex with several of the represented countries. Who the hell was I supposed to root for? What do you do when you had sex with guys from opposite world cup teams? What incredible pressure! My boyfriend, the one I’m with now, was rooting for Spain in [...]
I’M OVULATING AND OVERHEATING
Did think you’d ever see the above pictures next to each other? Well, that’s how I feel. I’m either going to get pregnant or pass out. It’s 104 degrees in the Valley of Los Angeles and I’m ovulating. I must be hallucinating, but I’ve had thoughts of getting pregnant and bouts of nausea from the [...]
JAMIE, ASSISTANT MANAGER
My name is Jamie and I’m the Assistant Manager at Denny’s on Sunset Boulevard inLos Angeles. That’s cool, right? I never thought I’d work on Sunset Boulevard. I got the job through Craigslist. I thought, “Why not? Why couldn’t I be the Assistant Manager?” I didn’t feel like I needed to work my way up. [...]
CAT LEASHES. CRAZY? OR, CRAZY COOL?
My Mom once told me that she bought a leash for her cat “Farfel.” That’s when I thought my Mom had gone nuts. I pictured having to move home to Boston and take her to the loony bin. Cats and women have such a stigma. NO MAN wants to hear about my cats. (I only [...]
INAPPROPRIATE FACEBOOK UPDATES
Jamie feels like complete shit. She’s going to run to 7-Eleven to get a pint of Ben and Jerry’s to make herself feel worse. Then cry. Then listen to Coldplay. Then text her Ex. Then think of plans to make her life better only to feel hopeless at the end. Then go to sleep. Then [...]
HAPPY EASTER!
“What kind of bikini is that and where can I get one?” Well, Macy’s doesn’t sell it. I made that Peep bikini top. Glued those suckers on and now it’s in my freezer so it doesn’t spoil. It’s actually from my calendar “The Year of the Jewish Woman.” About a year ago, I wrote a really [...]
I’M OBSESSED WITH THE DUGGAR FAMILY
Have I been eating Cheetos and watching reality TV all day? Not exactly, but kinda. I have REALLY gotten into the Duggar family’s show on TLC, “17 Kids and Counting: The Duggar Family.” (They now have 18 kids.) Not only have I been watching the show, but I’ve been fascinated by that family. At first, [...]
I ADMIT IT: I LOVE GOFUGYOURSELF.COM
I‘ve been hiding this fact for a while. Hiding that every night as my guilty pleasure, I go to Go Fug Yourself and snicker. It’s really funny: “Can we discuss why someone at Self hates Jenna Fischer? Seriously. She’s CUTE. And yet here they appear to have photoshopped her face to the point where it [...]
I WANT A MAN TO EAT STEAK AND PUSSY
I had frozen yogurt tonight from “Yogurtland.” I like to go there when my stomach hurts. The cold milky yogurt coats my insides and takes away an upset stomach. It is also good for dental pain. As I spooned the cold yogurt into my mouth, I thought about men and whether it’s “gay” for men [...]
WHAT DO I WANT TO DO ON MY BIRTHDAY? BESIDES A SPANKING…
I know I just invited about 100 spanking comments, so go ahead, give it to me. Give it to me good! (What is wrong with me?) On the birthday topic, my birthday is in one month. If I were Paris Hilton, I’d scream, “It’s on November 24th bitches!!!!!!” I had such a crappy birthday last year, I [...]