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PREGNANT IN LA
March 17, 2012 09:03 -
MY TRIP TO LA
March 17, 2012 07:03 -
THE HENRY SOFA
March 10, 2012 18:03 -
THIS POST SUCKS
January 16, 2012 08:01 -
KNOCKED UP AROUND PALM TREES
October 25, 2011 14:10
Archive for the ‘Neurosis’ Category
MERRY CHRISTMAS. BOOTCAMP BABY.
My mind is pumping, my breath is pant-y and I’m on the edge of picking a fight with my boyfriend. Yeah, I just took a Barry’s Bootcamp Class. Fuck yeah. I feel like tearing off the head of a tiger and feeding it to my puppy. No, scratch that. I’ll tear off the head of [...]
GO FUCK YOURSELF, DIET COKE!
I have a feeling that you may read this and think, “I quit soda in high-school. What’s this girl’s problem?” or, “I didn’t think Jamie would be the kind of girl to drink diet soda.” Well, I am, or I was. My friends know I drink soda; I order it at every meal. It’s like [...]
SINK OR MEDITATE
I’m in a mood that makes one want to pull up to the bar, order the darkest red wine and smoke a couple cigs. (I have to keep telling myself that you care about this post because it’s slightly personal.) This week has been tough. Very, very tough. Lots of crying and lots of speculation. [...]
ENOUGH TALKING ABOUT MY RELATIONSHIP, LET’S TALK ABOUT BEING A VEGAN
I think I just lost my male readers. Here’s the thing: I feel wicked unhealthy. Usually when I start a relationship, I work out a lot, eat well and dance around like a lunatic in love naked in the mirror and fantasize about my future strip routines. Well, that’s not really the case now. I’ve [...]
I NEED TO LIVE ALONE
I went to look at an apartment tonight to share with a roommate in a cool area in Los Angeles. On the way home, I stopped by 7-Eleven and grabbed some soda and pretzels. I couldn’t wait to get home to my place. To my cats. To my home. To my big room with wood [...]
“I’M SCARED I’LL PEE MYSELF” OR “THINGS I SHOULD NEVER ADMIT”
I will probably regret writing about this issue, but I thought about it twice today. I have a fear of peeing in public. Okay, first question you may have is: “Have you ever peed yourself?” The answer is no I have not, but that doesn’t mean that I won’t. When did this start? It started [...]
I WISH I COULD DRINK AND SMOKE. WHY CAN’T I BE MORE SELF-DESTRUCTIVE?
I really wanted to buy a pack of cigarettes tonight. I know, SO TABOO!!! I just got back from Europe and I would love to smoke a nice cigarette alongside my glass of Bordeaux. Call me “crazy,” but it makes me feel very, very high. I don’t do any fun drugs and I hardly drink, [...]
STOP THE PRESSES! I HUNG SHIT UP!
That’s right. After 4 months of living in my new place, I hung shit up. The cork board was leaning against my wall for the past 12 weeks. Today, after eating 30 cookies to get the “strength” and “willpower” to hang it, I finally pulled out my trusty hammer, level and nails and put that [...]
AFTER EATING HALF A CHOCOLATE CAKE, I’M QUITTING COFFEE!!! (WARNING: ANGRIEST POST EVER WRITTEN)
I don’t even know where to start. I feel like a handicapped person writing this. I can barely breathe. My stomach is distended like a starving person, but I’m fucking full. Too full of chocolate cake. Did I have dessert before the chocolate cake? YES. I had frozen yogurt. Fuck you frozen yogurt! Fuck you [...]
YOU KNOW YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WHEN YOU NEED A PADLOCK IN YOUR KITCHEN
I HAVE A PROBLEM. My husband needs to hide junk food from me. Why? I can’t help myself. He thought he would offend me by suggesting a PADLOCK for our pantry cabinet. “No!“ I proclaimed, “Please, please get one! I can’t help myself, and I need it locked up!“ At least I’m not in denial. I [...]
MY STAGES OF STARBUCKS
ENTER STORE 1. DREAD: Feelings of dread as I am about to order my “difficult” drink. 2. GUILT: “Why am I doing this to these people? Why am I so difficult?” 3. FEAR: “What if they fuck up my drink and make it without care? 4. ANGER: The possibility of the above happening. 5. REGRET: [...]
I HATE THE GUY WHO WORKS AT THE STARBUCKS NEAR ME
But I’m sure if “I Got To Know Him I Wouldn’t Think He Was A Complete Jerk.” Blah, Blah. And you know what? He reeeeeaaallly hates me too. He makes that perfectly clear. He hates my annoying drink (which I have totally toned down), and he hates that I once got pissy one day when he [...]