DRAGONFLY COCK RINGS

Immediately after I began dating my boyfriend last year I met a female friend of his, who shortly after being introduced, joked about having a threesome with my boyfriend and me. She wasn’t toxic, although that sounds terribly toxic; she was fun and she had a boyfriend who was kinda’ famous. I wasn’t sure if she [...]

DRAPER’S WORLD

Is it wrong to think of Donald Draper while having sex? Yes, yes it is. Is it so expected — like women, like cupcakes. I picture it long. Not like a garden snake, but a boa – long and think, swervy and slick, searching and smart – and inside me. “Jamie, no, no…”, I chided [...]

THERE’S NOTHING BETTER THAN WAKING UP WITH AN ORGASM

Every Friday morning I wake up thinking “shut the fuck up” and I know who I’m talking to. I’m talking to this woman who I can’t see, but can only imagine. She’s probably average weight, has carrot-red hair and white under-vegetable eaten skin, yellowing teeth, wears granny-sweaters and is 43 years old. Is it wrong [...]

ZUMBA AND SHAKIRA

I like the two words “Zumba” and “Shakira.” They remind me of David Letterman’s, “Oprah, Uma. Uma, Oprah.” This morning I took my first Zumba class. I’ve been wondering about “Zumba”, and since I am trying to get out of my paralyzing comfort-zone, I decided to check it out. I’m also trying to religiously go [...]

FROM SEXY TO SLOB: MY NEW MAKEOVER

“I always try to look my best,” my male friend explained upon my arrival in Los Angeles three years ago, “Because you never know who you will run into and it’s important to always look your best.” I’ve been thinking about this sentiment and exactly what is my best. I have come to the conclusion [...]

I’M SEXY AND I’M JEWISH AND I DON’T KNOW IT

Coming to terms with my sexuality could be a lifelong struggle for me, or it could not. It’s really a choice. I can continue with my usual schpiel laden with humility, humbleness and detachment like, “The devil made me do it,” or “I have this weird/strange/crazy part of me that wants to pose naked with [...]

MY FATHER’S OFFICE

See the office above. Imagine it without the Canadian Flag, unless you live in Canada and that makes sense to you. It was the best picture could find of my “fantasy daddy office.” My father’s office (not my father)  is something I think about. Fantasize about Let me say it again – this isn’t MY [...]

DATE PARALYZES ME & SEX WITH MY GYM CRUSH

Hi Folks, I am sitting at my desk eating cookies and thinking about the last week. I have to say, I feel selfish writing about myself at such a unifying and historic time, but I can’t stand looking at my last post about spanking and my birthday. It’s kind of ridiculous. So, why haven’t I [...]

I BOUGHT WATER IN BULK! I FEEL RESPONSIBLE!

I had an incredible night. Why? Because I bought in bulk tonight. I went to gym around 6:30 p.m. and after I jammed out to my favorite songs I took my little car over to Target to pick up some dental floss, etc. When I arrived at Target, I made a big decision. “I’m going [...]

I HAVE BEEN WORKING MY ASS OFF FOR THE JEWISH CALENDAR! I HAVE THE ASS OF A 4-YEAR OLD!

Is that hot? Is it hot to have the ass of a 4-year old? “You have such a tiny ass,” my husband said last night as I purposely dove down naked, slathered with self-tanner. “Thanks,” I said, “I want it really, really tiny!” And then we had sex. JUST KIDDING ABOUT THE SEX PART!!! I [...]

DAILY FLIRT WITH THE HOTTEST TRAINER AT EQUINOX GYM!!!