-
PREGNANT IN LA
March 17, 2012 09:03 -
MY TRIP TO LA
March 17, 2012 07:03 -
THE HENRY SOFA
March 10, 2012 18:03 -
THIS POST SUCKS
January 16, 2012 08:01 -
KNOCKED UP AROUND PALM TREES
October 25, 2011 14:10
Posts Tagged ‘Craziness’
WHAT IS SEX?
Something I haven’t done lately. Do you ever look at a couple and picture them having sex? I do it all the time. I just did it. I’m sitting in the Second Stop Cafe again and there’s this nice Jewish couple (I just know they are Jewish) and I’m watching them to talk to each [...]
MERRY CHRISTMAS. BOOTCAMP BABY.
My mind is pumping, my breath is pant-y and I’m on the edge of picking a fight with my boyfriend. Yeah, I just took a Barry’s Bootcamp Class. Fuck yeah. I feel like tearing off the head of a tiger and feeding it to my puppy. No, scratch that. I’ll tear off the head of [...]
ART SCHOOL AND PERIODS IN PROVENCE
It’s been a long time since I’ve written. I’ve drafted many posts, but haven’t had the time to post them. My focus has been on applying to graduate school. I just made the decision to not apply to any creative writing MFA programs. I feel as though my head wants to go, but my heart [...]
DRAPER’S WORLD
Is it wrong to think of Donald Draper while having sex? Yes, yes it is. Is it so expected — like women, like cupcakes. I picture it long. Not like a garden snake, but a boa – long and think, swervy and slick, searching and smart – and inside me. “Jamie, no, no…”, I chided [...]
TIGHTY WHITIES TURN ME ON
Okay, maybe not white, but tight-fitted underwear severly turns me on. I think tighty whities turn on a lot of girls, but they don’t know it. I didn’t know it until I dated “David.” (His name isn’t David, it’s Don, but I want to preserve his anonymity.) David was 10 years older than me and [...]
PUSSY WIDTH
I’m feeling raunchy today at 3:30 pm. I’m full of trail mix and “healthy soda” from Whole Foods. My boyfriend is at PETCO getting food for our puppy. I’m thinking about raping him. I just dried my hair and put on a little makeup and I want to wait by the door and pounce on [...]
PUPPIES AND SPANKING
I want to get in the habit of writing this blog daily. However, there are days that I’m not funny. There are days that I hate myself (it’s true, but I’m working on it) and there are days that are too personal or uninteresting. Some days I don’t feel like talking about how I masturbate [...]
GO FUCK YOURSELF, DIET COKE!
I have a feeling that you may read this and think, “I quit soda in high-school. What’s this girl’s problem?” or, “I didn’t think Jamie would be the kind of girl to drink diet soda.” Well, I am, or I was. My friends know I drink soda; I order it at every meal. It’s like [...]
MAYBE IF I WROTE A FOOD BLOG, YOU’D READ IT.
“Maybe if I wrote about the ‘Top 10 Reasons You Should Get an iPhone’, I’d get more hits on my blog,” I said to my boyfriend tonight. There are times I wonder about this blog: Why the fuck would anyone want to read it? Who cares? It should be more topical. I thought about how [...]
TOP 10 PERIOD FOODS (X-RATED VERSION)
I just microwaved a plate of pretzels covered with string cheese and bananas. Am I high? No, I have my period. A plate of pretzels, melted banana with cheese plus a can Diet Rite and you got the perfect combination of salt, fat and sweet. You may be thinking: “That’s disgusting,” or, “Jamie sounds like white [...]
I CAN’T WAIT TO HAVE A BABY SO EVERYONE CAN JUDGE ME!
It’s so enticing: A baby in my tummy, my boyfriend being so incredible like always – taking care of me, buying me my favorite foods, writing incredible love notes. We’ll think of baby names together, pick sweet paint colors for the baby room, buy organic tiny baby clothes and eco-furniture. I can do that. I think I [...]
THE WORLD CUP WAS SO STRESSFUL ‘CAUSE I HAD SEX WITH MEN FROM SEVERAL COUNTRIES!!!
I found the world cup so stressful ’cause I had sex with several of the represented countries. Who the hell was I supposed to root for? What do you do when you had sex with guys from opposite world cup teams? What incredible pressure! My boyfriend, the one I’m with now, was rooting for Spain in [...]