"HOW TO EMBARRASS YOURSELF IN FRONT OF JEFF GOLBLUM," BY JAMIE S.

(True story – happened yesterday while on adjacent elliptical machines.) 1. In the first 2 minutes of EVER speaking to him, blurt out: “MY SISTER THINKS YOU’RE THE WORLD’S HOTTEST JEW!” 2. Tell him that you are a “Performance Artist.” 3. Explain Jewish Playboy Calendar project in a way that sounds really, really weird and [...]

FABIO, WILL YOU BE IN MY CALENDAR? (PLEASE???)

Okay, I had a complete panic attack when I saw Fabio at the gym last week. I momentarily thought that I was the center of the Universe, and that Fabio had read my blog, and I panicked. I texted my husband while on the Elliptical machine, “FABIO’S HERE, AND I’M SCARED!” He texted back: “Afraid [...]

MY HUSBAND TOTALLY MESSED UP MY CHANCE WITH MY GYM CRUSH AND HE WON’T EVEN APOLOGIZE!!!

There is a trainer at my gym who is deliciously hot. He’s not this huge beefcake. He has a subtle Midwestern beauty. He’s a cutie pie. I glare at him while I workout. I whisper to him with eyes, “I like you soo much. Do you like me?“ and I wonder if he knows that [...]

OH ME? I’M JUST WORKIN’ OUT!

“Hi, I’m just WORKING OUT! I know I look like I’m ABOUT TO SHOOT A PORNO, but nope, just gonna hit the treadmill!” WHEN DID THIS OUTFIT BECOME SUITABLE FOR THE GYM? Only in LA. I swear to god I’ve never seen soooo much skin in either Boston or New York. You may be thinking, [...]

GETTIN’ READY!!!

COOL DOWN!!! WHAT A WORKOUT!

HI FABIO! IT’S ME, JAMIE!

I’m not sure if it’s a breach of trust to write about the people at my gym, but I workout with Fabio. Yes, Fabio. I’m trying to think of why he is famous…I think because some romance novel covers, and I remember him on some horse in a commercial. I read that he recently got [...]

ARMAGEDDON!!!! WELCOME TO HELL!!!

“SHUT OFF THE LIGHTS…AND SHUT OFF THE AIR,” he commanded. It sounded like my first S&M experience. “ARE YOU READY TO BURN THE SHIT OFF YOUR FUCKING LEGS!!!!? “Yes!” we said in unison. “WELL THEN, STAND UP! LET’S GO! EVERY BODY STAND UP AND TAKE IT TO THE HILLS!!!!” The techno music was blaring and [...]